He Knows my name

Today I sat at my piano and cried.  I am taking lessons to help relearn all the things I learned as a young child and did not put into practice.  I want to play keyboard at church but I have a long way to go.  I am practicing some of my favorite praise and worship songs.  One song I was playing is "He knows my name". 

I have been  praying specifically about our baby.  Sometimes in adoption things are hard to understand. There are culutral differences, language barriers and legalities that don't seem to make senses.  To push through all the red tape and the obstacles requires so much prayer. I have been asking God to guide every step of this journey.  It is becomming more evident of the true miracle of adoption.  So much has to happen so many i's to dot and so many t's to cross.  There are many relationships formed and many hurting hearts to consider.  

As I sat at my piano playing the song "He knows my name", I thought about that sweet baby in the womb of our birth Mom.  We have 27 weeks to go.  So much can happen during that time.  I don't know what the outcome will be only God does.  We are aware that there are many risks.  God could have us on this journey for a purpose that is differnt that what we originally thought.  Our hopes for this journey may be different than God's plan for this journey. But we have to follow Him.  We have to accept that His ways are perfect even when we do not understand. His plan could break our hearts or bring us unspeakable JOY.  We just don't know what will happen. 

What I do know is He knows my name.  He knows my heart and my thoguths and my desires. He knows our sweet baby who is growing in the womb of someone else but who is growing in our hearts.  As far as I know now, that is MY baby.  I will pray for this little soul. I will pray for the birth Mom who is choosing life for him or her and she is choosing to give him or her a better life than she can provide. I don't know or understand what that feels like.  I dont know the depth of a Mothers pain who knows she cannot give her own child the life she so desires for he or she to have and I do not understand the sacrifice she will make to provide the best possible life for her child. 

I have no control over this child growing in another womans womb but I have control over the prayers that I  pray for both of them. I have control over the love I can offer to a Mom with a hurting heart. I have control over my obedience to do what God is leading me to do, no matter what anyone else does.  I have control over my choice to follow God's plan even when it seems to  not make sense and ohters just don't get it.  I have control over my choice to acknowlegde God and allow Him to direct my path.  I have control over my choice to lean not on my understanding. 

I do not and cannot understand the details of the miracle of adoption but I have been a witness of many miracles God has done in bringing other families together even when it seemed impossible. I am witnessing miracles and answered prayer in our journey.  Even this week, God answered a big prayer of mine. I know He's working in my life and He knows my name.