Epic fails and fat lips

First of all, just let me say that I have had some very strange physical problems in the last two months.  I have been breaking out in hives multiple times per week and I have random facial swelling.  I don't mean my eyes swell or my lips swell.  I mean random parts of my face swell.   For example, one half of my bottom lip will swell up or one eye lid will swell.  Even one nostril will swell.  And when I have random swelling its never the same place twice.  U never know which part of my face will swell.  Lucky, it only lasts for a few hours.  I have been to the dr twice to try and figure out what is wrong with me.  The Dr says its due to stress.  I am going to an allergist soon to make sure these are not allergic reactions.  However, Im pretty sure i'm just a freak. 

Well we tried to Skype with our birth Mom tonight.  Let's just say it was an epic fail.  She could see us but we could not see her.  We were in a loud place so we could barely hear the translator.  We were all sweaty and things were chaotic.  Elijah was wiggling and acting silly as usual.  I felt like a crazy person smiling and waving at the iPhone without being able to see the people who could clearly see me. They were talking but I was not responding to everything they were saying because I could not hear them well.  

Our attorney told us it would be good for our birth Mom to see us and hear about our intentions to return to Arkansas yearly and allow our baby to keep in touch with her/his heritage.  He thought it would help her be confident we were the kind of family she would want to raise her baby.  

Well, we didn't get to tell her any of our future intentions.   I don't know what we said.   Who knows what she is thinking About us. I can only imagine.   She saw us as we really are.  She did not see the cleaned up, quiet, impressive family that I imagined she would see the first time we skyped.  We did not engage in a deeply meaningful conversation with her.  She saw the real, everyday, a little bit crazy Frederick family.  Hopefully we did not scare her.  

I was really bummed when it was all over and guess what?   The bottom left part of my lip started to swell. 

But the truth is, adoption is not a cleaned up, quiet and impressive situation.  It's messy, chaotic and crazy.  But God can make it into something beautiful.  God and onlyGod  is growing our family into  something beautiful through adoption.  On our own we are sweaty, chaotic and crazy but God, through His Grace, makes us beautiful, fat lip and all.  

Thank u LORD for this beautiful adoption journey. 

He Knows my name

Today I sat at my piano and cried.  I am taking lessons to help relearn all the things I learned as a young child and did not put into practice.  I want to play keyboard at church but I have a long way to go.  I am practicing some of my favorite praise and worship songs.  One song I was playing is "He knows my name". 

I have been  praying specifically about our baby.  Sometimes in adoption things are hard to understand. There are culutral differences, language barriers and legalities that don't seem to make senses.  To push through all the red tape and the obstacles requires so much prayer. I have been asking God to guide every step of this journey.  It is becomming more evident of the true miracle of adoption.  So much has to happen so many i's to dot and so many t's to cross.  There are many relationships formed and many hurting hearts to consider.  

As I sat at my piano playing the song "He knows my name", I thought about that sweet baby in the womb of our birth Mom.  We have 27 weeks to go.  So much can happen during that time.  I don't know what the outcome will be only God does.  We are aware that there are many risks.  God could have us on this journey for a purpose that is differnt that what we originally thought.  Our hopes for this journey may be different than God's plan for this journey. But we have to follow Him.  We have to accept that His ways are perfect even when we do not understand. His plan could break our hearts or bring us unspeakable JOY.  We just don't know what will happen. 

What I do know is He knows my name.  He knows my heart and my thoguths and my desires. He knows our sweet baby who is growing in the womb of someone else but who is growing in our hearts.  As far as I know now, that is MY baby.  I will pray for this little soul. I will pray for the birth Mom who is choosing life for him or her and she is choosing to give him or her a better life than she can provide. I don't know or understand what that feels like.  I dont know the depth of a Mothers pain who knows she cannot give her own child the life she so desires for he or she to have and I do not understand the sacrifice she will make to provide the best possible life for her child. 

I have no control over this child growing in another womans womb but I have control over the prayers that I  pray for both of them. I have control over the love I can offer to a Mom with a hurting heart. I have control over my obedience to do what God is leading me to do, no matter what anyone else does.  I have control over my choice to follow God's plan even when it seems to  not make sense and ohters just don't get it.  I have control over my choice to acknowlegde God and allow Him to direct my path.  I have control over my choice to lean not on my understanding. 

I do not and cannot understand the details of the miracle of adoption but I have been a witness of many miracles God has done in bringing other families together even when it seemed impossible. I am witnessing miracles and answered prayer in our journey.  Even this week, God answered a big prayer of mine. I know He's working in my life and He knows my name.

Mission Trip to Springdale Arkansas

Over the Memorial Day weekend, 23 people from our church went to Springdale, Arkansas to serve the marshallese people during their May Day celebration.  It was a great trip.  We were able to meet lots of Marshallese people, play with many adorable children and share the love of God with many people.

We set up tents.  Snow cones and hotdogs were offered at one tent. We had a prayer tent set up with tracts and Marshallese Bibles. We had a tent with games the children could play.  We had a tent where balloon animals and face painting took place. Our last tent was where a puppet show and crafts took place.

We had ages 2-60ish serving in different ways.  Everyone was busy and had lots of opportunities to interact with the Marshallese people.  One of the best things was having opportunity to support our new friend Pastor Mithan and his wife Robin.  It was apparant to us that he has very little support and help in the ministry.  He thanked us for coming and helping serve the children.

We did not get to meet our BirthMom.  We were told that she was out of town but we were able to talk face to face with our attorney.  Another couple from our group was matched just a few days before the trip and we were able to meet their birth Mom and watch as they begin to build a relationship with her that will hopefully last a life time.  Their match is an answer to prayer and their baby is due in August!  Wow, we may have a Marshallese baby in our church this summer.  God's timing is amazing. 

It was so amazing to me that God had brought us to this place, one step at a time. First was the call to adopt and my surrendering to it. Then the following God to the Marshallese people group. Then becoming ministry partners wtih Pastor Mithan and Cross Church.  Now we are here. Playing with beautiful Marshallese children and talking to parents, grandparents and many Marshallese people.  Here we are looking around at all God has done in our lives. It's amazing to see His plan unfold detail by detail and realize He has chosen you to be part of it. It's overwhelming.  It's amazing.  It's beautiful.  I'm so very thankful that He is allowing me and my family and friends to be part of His plan.

Wow!  I stand amazed, confident that God has led us here.  There is no way we would be here if He didn't. I can't wait to watch as God leads us through His plan for us as He continues to amaze me and perform miracles, one detail at a time.