Epic fails and fat lips

First of all, just let me say that I have had some very strange physical problems in the last two months.  I have been breaking out in hives multiple times per week and I have random facial swelling.  I don't mean my eyes swell or my lips swell.  I mean random parts of my face swell.   For example, one half of my bottom lip will swell up or one eye lid will swell.  Even one nostril will swell.  And when I have random swelling its never the same place twice.  U never know which part of my face will swell.  Lucky, it only lasts for a few hours.  I have been to the dr twice to try and figure out what is wrong with me.  The Dr says its due to stress.  I am going to an allergist soon to make sure these are not allergic reactions.  However, Im pretty sure i'm just a freak. 

Well we tried to Skype with our birth Mom tonight.  Let's just say it was an epic fail.  She could see us but we could not see her.  We were in a loud place so we could barely hear the translator.  We were all sweaty and things were chaotic.  Elijah was wiggling and acting silly as usual.  I felt like a crazy person smiling and waving at the iPhone without being able to see the people who could clearly see me. They were talking but I was not responding to everything they were saying because I could not hear them well.  

Our attorney told us it would be good for our birth Mom to see us and hear about our intentions to return to Arkansas yearly and allow our baby to keep in touch with her/his heritage.  He thought it would help her be confident we were the kind of family she would want to raise her baby.  

Well, we didn't get to tell her any of our future intentions.   I don't know what we said.   Who knows what she is thinking About us. I can only imagine.   She saw us as we really are.  She did not see the cleaned up, quiet, impressive family that I imagined she would see the first time we skyped.  We did not engage in a deeply meaningful conversation with her.  She saw the real, everyday, a little bit crazy Frederick family.  Hopefully we did not scare her.  

I was really bummed when it was all over and guess what?   The bottom left part of my lip started to swell. 

But the truth is, adoption is not a cleaned up, quiet and impressive situation.  It's messy, chaotic and crazy.  But God can make it into something beautiful.  God and onlyGod  is growing our family into  something beautiful through adoption.  On our own we are sweaty, chaotic and crazy but God, through His Grace, makes us beautiful, fat lip and all.  

Thank u LORD for this beautiful adoption journey. 

He Knows my name

Today I sat at my piano and cried.  I am taking lessons to help relearn all the things I learned as a young child and did not put into practice.  I want to play keyboard at church but I have a long way to go.  I am practicing some of my favorite praise and worship songs.  One song I was playing is "He knows my name". 

I have been  praying specifically about our baby.  Sometimes in adoption things are hard to understand. There are culutral differences, language barriers and legalities that don't seem to make senses.  To push through all the red tape and the obstacles requires so much prayer. I have been asking God to guide every step of this journey.  It is becomming more evident of the true miracle of adoption.  So much has to happen so many i's to dot and so many t's to cross.  There are many relationships formed and many hurting hearts to consider.  

As I sat at my piano playing the song "He knows my name", I thought about that sweet baby in the womb of our birth Mom.  We have 27 weeks to go.  So much can happen during that time.  I don't know what the outcome will be only God does.  We are aware that there are many risks.  God could have us on this journey for a purpose that is differnt that what we originally thought.  Our hopes for this journey may be different than God's plan for this journey. But we have to follow Him.  We have to accept that His ways are perfect even when we do not understand. His plan could break our hearts or bring us unspeakable JOY.  We just don't know what will happen. 

What I do know is He knows my name.  He knows my heart and my thoguths and my desires. He knows our sweet baby who is growing in the womb of someone else but who is growing in our hearts.  As far as I know now, that is MY baby.  I will pray for this little soul. I will pray for the birth Mom who is choosing life for him or her and she is choosing to give him or her a better life than she can provide. I don't know or understand what that feels like.  I dont know the depth of a Mothers pain who knows she cannot give her own child the life she so desires for he or she to have and I do not understand the sacrifice she will make to provide the best possible life for her child. 

I have no control over this child growing in another womans womb but I have control over the prayers that I  pray for both of them. I have control over the love I can offer to a Mom with a hurting heart. I have control over my obedience to do what God is leading me to do, no matter what anyone else does.  I have control over my choice to follow God's plan even when it seems to  not make sense and ohters just don't get it.  I have control over my choice to acknowlegde God and allow Him to direct my path.  I have control over my choice to lean not on my understanding. 

I do not and cannot understand the details of the miracle of adoption but I have been a witness of many miracles God has done in bringing other families together even when it seemed impossible. I am witnessing miracles and answered prayer in our journey.  Even this week, God answered a big prayer of mine. I know He's working in my life and He knows my name.

Mission Trip to Springdale Arkansas

Over the Memorial Day weekend, 23 people from our church went to Springdale, Arkansas to serve the marshallese people during their May Day celebration.  It was a great trip.  We were able to meet lots of Marshallese people, play with many adorable children and share the love of God with many people.

We set up tents.  Snow cones and hotdogs were offered at one tent. We had a prayer tent set up with tracts and Marshallese Bibles. We had a tent with games the children could play.  We had a tent where balloon animals and face painting took place. Our last tent was where a puppet show and crafts took place.

We had ages 2-60ish serving in different ways.  Everyone was busy and had lots of opportunities to interact with the Marshallese people.  One of the best things was having opportunity to support our new friend Pastor Mithan and his wife Robin.  It was apparant to us that he has very little support and help in the ministry.  He thanked us for coming and helping serve the children.

We did not get to meet our BirthMom.  We were told that she was out of town but we were able to talk face to face with our attorney.  Another couple from our group was matched just a few days before the trip and we were able to meet their birth Mom and watch as they begin to build a relationship with her that will hopefully last a life time.  Their match is an answer to prayer and their baby is due in August!  Wow, we may have a Marshallese baby in our church this summer.  God's timing is amazing. 

It was so amazing to me that God had brought us to this place, one step at a time. First was the call to adopt and my surrendering to it. Then the following God to the Marshallese people group. Then becoming ministry partners wtih Pastor Mithan and Cross Church.  Now we are here. Playing with beautiful Marshallese children and talking to parents, grandparents and many Marshallese people.  Here we are looking around at all God has done in our lives. It's amazing to see His plan unfold detail by detail and realize He has chosen you to be part of it. It's overwhelming.  It's amazing.  It's beautiful.  I'm so very thankful that He is allowing me and my family and friends to be part of His plan.

Wow!  I stand amazed, confident that God has led us here.  There is no way we would be here if He didn't. I can't wait to watch as God leads us through His plan for us as He continues to amaze me and perform miracles, one detail at a time.

We are Expecting!!!!

A few weeks ago I told someone that God knew we did not need a "match" with all we had going on such as the break in and all the end of school stuff and preparing for mission trip and Vacation Bible School.

Well one week after our home was broken into, Joel received an email from our attorney with an uncommon situation he wanted us to consider. He explained that one other couple besides us received this info and if we both said no he would move to another family. Birth Mom is 6 weeks pregnant and has had some high risk pregnancies before. Normally matches do not occur this early but this is a special situation. Joel and I initially said that we should pass because we were planning for a girl. We went in different directions that evening then Joel and I met up for dinner. The Lord began to change our hearts on our plan. When we met up for dinner we both began to consider that maybe God has a different plan than we do. Maybe this is Kaleyah Joy or maybe God simply wants us to let go of the control we think we have and follow Him. This adoption will be considerably more than we originally planned. However if Gods going to provide 18 thousand he'll provide 28 thousand. What's money to God. We discussed putting a fleece before The Lord and passing to the other couple and if they said no we would accept. We also discussed talking with our big kids and seeing how Caris reacted. she has her heart set on a sister and roommate. We discussed the reasons to accept and the reasons not to accept. The only real reason not to accept is because we may not get a girl. We realized that this us Gods journey and Gods plan. Before I ever even told Joel I was ready to adopt the Lord spoke to my heart and told me to Follow Him. So we finished a yummy dinner and headed to pick up our kids at Grammy and Grands. When we got there we told the big kids we needed to have a family meeting. We went to the sun room and explained to them about the call from the attorney. Isaiah immediately said let's do it. Caris thought for a minute. She said I think we should
accept because there is a reason God brought this baby to us. We discussed the fact that she could end up the only girl with three brothers. She fully Understood the situation and wanted to accept this referral. Joel was really overwhelmed and so we decided to pray. Isaiah voiced a prayer for Gods direction and we called the attorney and accepted. We explained to him how we believed The Lord led us to say yes when we thought we would say no. The attorney seemed very happy and told us the other couple turned it down quickly because they want a girl. So we accepted a match around 9pm on Monday night May 6th. So we r expecting a baby on Dec 26!!!! More details to come.

Love your neighbor

Love your neighbor as yourself is one of those commands that should come easy but it is so difficult. A few weeks ago my kids and I came home from school and Isaiah noticed the back door had been kicked in. As we looked through the house we realized a few things had been taken. A few things that cannot be replaced. Someone came into our home and took our things. God continues to teach me that things are just that, things. I was so thankful we were not home. That is what is most important. My family cannot be replaced. I continue to thank The Lord that He protected us all by allowing us to be gone to school and work.
So am I to love the neighbor who came into my home, stole my belongings and kicked in the back door? Am I to love the neighbor who has changed our behavior and who has disrupted our peace and security in our own home? The answer is yes. God said to love our neighbor. He tells us to do it. He never said love your good neighbor. That would have been easy but Jesus does not call us to do what is easy. He did not do what was easy when He suffered and died a horrible death just to give me a relationship with Him. I have kicked in Jesus' back door so many times and tried to take what was not mine forgiveness, mercy, Grace. Just to learn that Jesus offered it to me freely. I cannot take it from Him. He offered it to me and to you. All we have to do is receive it and Follow Him. It's not easy but it is a joy filled, amazing journey. I cannot say that I feel Love for my neighbor who broke into our house but Im trying. I want to love as Jesus loves. In light of the Love and Forgiveness I have received, I must love others.

Thank you Lord for your love which seeks us out and forgives us even though we do not deserve it and thank you for your protection.

Tshirts

We have our tshirts for sale! We are very excited. We are so thankful to Katy Wallace for designing them for us. You can order them here on our blog or you can contact us directly to order.  I want to tell you a little about our design.  It is very personal to us.  The back Adoption has a red cross. That is because God adopted us as His children.  The sentence that says God gets glory we get Joy, is one of Joels mottos at our church.Of course Joy will be our baby girls middle name(if we have a girl)  The white sun is from the Marshallese flag, which is the people group from which our baby will be born.  The palm tree represents the Marshall Islands where her birth family is originally from.  The front pocket design has the same palm tree and white sun. It has red flip flops because the Marshallese women wear flip flops. The verse says because of Gods love for us, we are called to be children of God.  Kaleyah-our daughters first name (if we have a girl). means "called" in Greek. So the verse talks about how we are called to be Gods children, a reference to adoption. Because of God's great love for us, He called us to be His children. He gives us all the rights to inherit his kingdom in Heaven.  He loved us, called us, forgives us and paid the price for our sin. His love is amazing. It is for that reason that we are called to be parents to a little baby, maybe a little girl names Kaleyah Joy, through the miracle of adoption.  We appreciate your support of our adoption, especially your prayer. That is the most powerful support you can give us. Thank you!!!

Waiting

This week  is the first time I have felt a bit discouaged and began to doubt that anything was really happening.  I was thinking maybe we are waiting for nothing.  Maybe we would never get a call from our attorney. Maybe she is working with so many clients that we have fallen through the cracks.  I talked with two of my frineds who have blazed this path before me but with adoption agencies.  They both said that this is normal during this process.  You get to that point where you just sit and wait.  One friend really encouraged me when she told me that the waiting time is when God worked in her life so much. God taught her to Be still before Him and wait on Him and His timing. I keep saying that His timing is perfect.  The truth is that I still want it in my time, on my terms and conditions, when everything is in place and ducks are in a row and we have our beautiful baby room (well half of Caris' room) ready and all the accessories and all the beautiful family photos of our family holding up a sign that says waiting for you or growing in my heart or something really cool like that.  The truth is that maybe God will use this time in my life.  There is no maybe about it. He will use this time. Time to teach me what is important. Time to make me dependent on Him. Time to show me what is important and that He is all I need. Not all the stuff. When I get totally honest with myself, it is not that I fear a baby will never come.  I fear that I will long for her and miss her so deeply before she comes,  that it  will break my heart.  I don't want to hurt. I don't want it to take long enough for me to ache for her. I don't want to get uncomfortable.  I want the picture perfect scenerio and then my beautiful baby girl will come home.  But what does God want?  Maybe he wants to break my heart for what breaks His.  Maybe He just wants me to Be still before Him and Wait on Him to reveal His plan.  And then, he expects me to be obedient, no matter how it feels.

Oh God, change my heart and help me to Wait on You, no matter what.

I did call our attorney and briefly spoke to her. She said no babies were coming her way right now.  

So we  wait.
Shannon