Today is January 15th, 2013. I did not realize that this would be my first post of the new year. Last Thursday I finally dropped our homestudy packet in the mail. This was such a good feeling. It took me so much longer than I expected to complete it simply because I started the home study, a new job after being home for more than four years and went through the holidays with all that entails. But no matter it is done now and we are anticipating meeting with our Social Worker in the next few weeks to have 3 to 4 interviews and then we will be finished with this part of the adoption. Once that is complete, we are set to adopt. We will simply be waiting on our attorney to do the rest. We can begin to apply for Grants when the home study is complete. I hope to design and order our adoption shirts in the next few weeks.
Joel helped the kids clean out their rooms the first Saturday in January and they look great. Caris still has more cleaning out to do and we have to decide which furniture stays and which goes to bring in the baby bed and dresser for Kalea. I am looking forward to working with Caris to design her new foom for two. We painted it lime green last March and it looks great. So everything we do will coordinate with that bright color. I think it is going to be adorable. As long as Caris is happy with it, then I am happy with it. We have high hopes to finish our basement room for Isaiah to have a new bedroom. Then Elijah can move his toys to his room and out of the living room, just in time to move a pack n play and baby toys into the living room. I never imagined my life to look like this when I turned 40 but I cant imagine it any other way. I guess we may be retired and still have toys and kid stuff all over the house. That is fine with me.
The big kids and I started taking piano lessons last Saturday. We had a great lesson and the teacher is wonderful. She has us all really excited about learning to play. The big kids are playing the piano every chance they get. I hope this enthusiasm lasts for awhile. I hope they will both develop a love for music and develop their skills. Im thrilled to be refreshing my skills. I have been pleased with the things I am remembering and that my teacher is teaching me a new method from the way I learned years ago. This will allow me to play in church whereas before, I could not do it. So I am excited to see how fast I can progress. I hope pretty fast since I will have a baby, hopefully soon.
Now I'm already distracted from the thoughts I was trying to blog because I'm dreaming of the call when our attorney says, "I have a baby for you." I feel selfish because we have friends who have waited years for this kind of call. Our attorney feels confident that our process will move quickly and that possibly Kalea Joy will be born in the summer. Having said that, we don't even know her Mom yet but God does and we believe he will knit our baby together according to His plan and in HIs time.
Back to my original thought. I have been thinking a lot about suffering this week. Some of our dear church family will bury their 7 day old baby tomorrow. Our friend had an emergency C-section last Monday and the baby struggled until Sunday afternoon when she went to Heaven. Our church is trying to minister to them as best we know how. As I have prayed for the baby and now the family, sometimes I don't even know what to say. I say the same thing over and over. I finally began to ask God to hear my heart because I could not make sense of the words. As followers of Chirst, sometime we cannont make sense of what He seems to be up to. I mean, His plan, is not always clear. To see a tragedy like this and this family who is heartbroken, is just hard to understand. We pray and ask GOd to heal and to protect and sometimes we see that prayer answered and sometimes we don't. I have another frined who struggles with family issues. She prays for answers and solutions and sometimes there simply are none.
We will never understand the immense suffereing that some endure while on this earth. I do know that God sees the whole picture. There is an awesome song on the radio now that says "you're already there, at the end of my life, waiting on the other side". God sees the end of His plan which He promises will be more awesome than our minds can imagine. We cant even begin to fathom what is to come but He knows because He planned it for us. I do know that sin and death were not God's original plan but sin invited it into the lives of mankind. While here on earth, we pray for miracles but we don't always feel that God gives us our miracle. I think sometimes the miracle is that God simply carries us when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death or through the deep suffering. We find ourselves living through the unthinkable, somehow and that is the miracle. God carries us through it and teaches us valuable lessons through the pain. None of us willingly sign up for that class. However, when we find our selves in it, God does not waist it. My husband has said many time, God doesn't waist a hurt. He grows us in that place when we think we can't breath or take another step or face one more day. He moves us along this life toward the plan He has for us, not to harm us but to give us Hope and future. Jeremiah 29:11 says that He has a plan for our life. I heard one more new song on the radio this week and I thoguth of my sweet frineds going through the loss of their baby. I cant wait to hear it again because the words are awesome. It say something like "When I can't understand your plan, I still know Who You are. If we know who God is, we can hold tight to that when we walk through suffering. we can trust God has a plan to give us Hope and a future. And one day, we will be with HIm where there is no more suffereing, only JOY forever and ever. I can't wait until that day comes.
